The Severe Pranking of Mike Newton
by zoey zink
Summary: Mike's obsession with Bella is getting old. Jessica and Lauren won't leave Edward alone. What are Bella and Edward going to do? Prank them of course! AH. ON HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

Okay, when you read this you need to keep in mind that:

a.) Everyone is human.

b.) Edward and Bella are obviously dating. They have been FOREVER (not literally) just like AxJ and EmxR

c.) Mike thinks he's really cool but the Cullen boys are the top in academics, sports, the arts, and girlfriends (same goes for the girls except for the girlfriend/boyfriend part) so he is so not cool, he is the guy everyone loves to pick on =) and he can't take a hint… or a flat out refusal… so he must suffer the consequences of severe pranking lol

d.) Mike has been hitting on Bella her entire life and she REALLY hates him and his skanky girlfriend Jessica! And Bella isn't worried about hurting his feelings…. =) okay, so! On with the fan fiction!!!!

**Chapter One**

_Bella's POV_

"Come on Bella! Aren't you ready yet?!" screamed Alice. I just sighed replying, "I'll be down in a minute, just go without me if you really wanna leave, I'll ride my Harley" **(A/N: I'm Team Edward and in this story Bella IS coordinated and kind of a badass, like Edward!! Hence the motorcycle but there are NO other Jake/Bella moments in this story!!!) **I haven't ridden my bike in forever and it wasn't raining today. That was like a miracle in the rainiest place in North America: Forks, Washington a.k.a my hometown.

"Bella, you can't wear a skirt while riding a motorcycle! And what about your shoes! Heels and bikes are a definite no-no." Alice exclaimed as she threw open my door and marched into my room. Alice has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She is really pretty and short with short spiky dark hair and striking blue eyes.

"Aww c'mon Alice! Forks is soo boring! Showing up in a motorcycle will shake things up and I'll just bring the shoes with me and put them on when I get to school and I'll throw on pants until I get to school, I'll change in the bathroom I promise! Please please please!!!" I begged. I know, how pathetic that I am begging my best friend to allow me to wear what I want. I mean I'm 17 years old, damnit! But Alice gets really scary when she doesn't get her way, so I usually let her dress me.

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with wanting to show up looking hot-on-a-Harley for my brother?" Alice questioned. Sigh. There was no point in lying and no reason to either. I had been dating her fraternal twin brother, Edward, since eighth grade. He is just over 6ft. with messy bronze hair and gorgeous green eyes. He is also valedictorian and Captain of the Baseball team and Captain of the Track team. Not to mention he was a nationally ranked junior concert pianist. **(A/N: I don't know if you can be ranked as a pianist, but it sounds impressive… go with it)** In a word, Edward was perfect. In two words, he was smokin' hot and I had 3 words for that slut Jessica Stanley who always threw herself at him: Back off Bitch.

"So what if it does?" I replied.

"Ugh. Fine! But I get to plan your entire wardrobe for the next week! AND if you're going on your motorcycle to make Edward….hot….ew…. then I suggest we have some fun" Alice said with an evil pixie grin. I was instantly in for whatever she had planned. In our 'group' (Me & Edward, Alice & Jasper, Emmett & Rosalie) Emmett and I were always playing pranks. We think it's genetic. Emmett is my older brother who is dating Rose, my other best friend whose twin brother is Jasper who is dating Alice who is the twin of my boyfriend, Edward. It's confusing, I know.

"Whatever you have planned, I'm in. Dress me up if you must but let's have some fun with that vile Mike Newton as well" I exclaimed excitedly. I would tease him a little. He was really pathetic. This was going to be so much fun!

_Mike's POV_

Another day in hell. God I hate High School. Especially since I have to put up with friggin' Edward Cullen. Man I hate him! He is always all over Bella when it is _so_ obvious that she wants me. I mean, the man just can't take a hint. She's probably afraid to break up with him, afraid that he'll go psycho or something. Well, I'll tell her today how I fell, I mean, I've told her before but I think she is waiting for me to prove myself or something before she tells me how much she loves me.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

I looked down at my phone. Damn. Jessica, my girlfriend, was calling. Hmmm I should probably break up with her before I ask Bells out. Bella might be intimidated by how many girls want me….

I just let my phone ring. I'll break up with Jessica _while_ declaring my love to Bella. Perfect.

_Edward's POV_

"Hi Eddie!!! Ohmigosh how are you!!?? Hey….um… I was wondering…. Do you wanna, maybe, like go out sometime?!?" I just stared at Lauren. What was wrong with her? Why was she so excited to ask me out when I was obviously going to say no because I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! She didn't seem to understand that last part, as always. I mean, even if I wasn't dating Bella, I would _never_ go out with Lauren. Maybe I should tell her that to go her off my back.

"Uh, Lauren look. I don't know how to explain this to make you understand so I'll use the smallest words possible I will NEVER go out with you. Ever. So stop asking because the answer is no. I love Bella. Please leave me alone. And my name is Edward, not Eddie."

She got this really confused look on her face and from the corner of my eye I could see my two best friends Emmett and Jasper practically rolling on the ground laughing. Lauren walked away to gossip with her equally skanky friend, Jessica, and I finally let out the laugh I had been holding in.

The three of us were wiping away the last of the tears when Alice zoomed into the school parking lot in her canary yellow porche, parking next to my Aston Martin Vanquish. **(A/N: lol okay, Edward does NOT have a creepy Volvo fetish in this story and obviously his and Alice's parents are rich. Haha he does NOT have a soccer mom car)** I sat up, anticipating seeing my Bella. But Alice hopped out without Bella meaning only one thing. She took the Harley.

_Jessica's POV_

I cannot believe that Mike ignored my phone call! He is such a jerk! And definitely a creeper. He is seriously obsessed with Bella Swan. I don't see the attraction I mean, I'm way prettier than her! But whatever, I'm only dating Mike until Edward sees that we were meant to be together and dumps Swan on her ass.

Lauren came running up to me looking confused. Sigh. She must have asked out my future boyfriend again. She has GOT to stop doing that! It's clear that he wants me. He is just afraid to break up with Bella.

"Ha! I just asked Eddie out and he totally looked like he wanted to say yes. I just need to get rid of little Swan and he is as good as mine."

She's delusional.

_Mike's POV_

I pulled into the parking lot, about to take the closest spot to the front door. Suddenly that beast, er, future brother-in-law of mine, Emmett Swan, jumps in the middle of the space, blocking my entrance.

"Hey what the hell man!?" I exclaimed.

"Hahahah sorry Newton but Bella's not here yet and I'm saving her a spot. _This_ is her spot, so you can't park here. Leave."

I couldn't believe him! He can't save a spot! I don't care if the spot was for my future wife. "No way man! Get the hell outta my way!!"

Instead of being intimidated, like he should have been, he started cracking up! I don't care if he is Captain of the Football team, I could definitely take him!

"Oh look! Here comes Bells. I'm pretty sure you should go find another spot. She's not going to be happy if you're in her space, man." Laughed Emmett.

I heard the roar of an engine just before I saw Bella skillfully swerve around my Suburban and into the spot. She was riding a motorcycle!? Damn she was hot! She was wearing a dark wash jean skirt, giving me an awesome view of her legs, a white cotton t-shirt with a black vest over top. She also had on a form-fitting leather jacket and black high top Converse sneakers. I could feel myself drooling. WAIT. Did I just describe her outfit in detail? Oh my God! Why was I acting so gay?! **(A/N: no offense to gay people)**

"Thanks for saving my spot, Em. Do you know where Edward is?" asked Bella. Shit! I hate Edward!!!!

"Yeah he's over by his car probably thinking naughty thoughts about my little sister," joked Emmett. Bella just laughed and smacked his arm playfully. I wish she would smack me playfully.

"Thanks! Oh! Hey Mike! What's up?" she asked, tying her helmet onto the handle bars. "What were you doing in my spot? Silly boy! Now, you have to behave. Don't be naughty or I might have to… discipline you" she said with a wink as she sauntered toward Edward. Oh. My. God. Did she really just say that??!! Emmett had a look of shock on his face so she must have.

I went to look for a spot at the end of the parking lot and finally found one at the end, near Jessica, who gave me a glare and looked away. Breaking up with her wouldn't be so hard after all.

_Edward's POV_

As soon as I heard the roar of the Harley, I got really excited. Bella was here and she _knows _what she does to me when she rides her motorcycle. I saw her zip into the spot that Emmett was saving for her and laughed at the look on Newton's face. It's like he'd never seen a girl before!

Bella chatted with them for a few minutes before coming over to me and whispering in my ear, "Up for a good prank on Newton and Stanley? Meet me behind the gym after lunch. I'm going to walk away now, look like we had a fight."

I was completely shocked, but things had been getting boring at Forks High (and I _never _say no to pranking that dumb ass Mike Newton) so I put a scowl on my face before walking away 'angrily.'

_Mike's POV_

This has got to be the greatest day ever! It's a sign that Bella and I are meant to be together; the day I decide to ask her out (again) she gets into a fight with Cullen! Man I hate that guy! Not to mention (who am I kidding? I am mentioning this to _everyone_) what she said in the parking lot this morning. _Life is good_. I thought, smirking as Cullen walked by.

_Bella's POV_

As I watched Edward 'storm' into the building I almost burst out laughing, it was too funny seeing him look like that. Then I saw Newton with a god damn smirk on his face as Edward went by. Ew! I _seriously _hate him. And his slutty girlfriend Jessica. Honestly, if Mike isn't asking me out, Jessica is asking Edward out. Actually, Jessica _and _Lauren both ask him out _all the time. _Hmm… I was going to have to do something about that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey all, I'm finally updating! Sorry it took so long, but I have exams to study for (should study for anyway) and my teachers ALL got together and decided to give us tests like 2 days before exams. And I'm a procrastinator. Lol I'd like to thank Lozzarah, VampireFruit, einstniette, swish14u, SarahIsSoTheBomb, and WannabeMrsCullen. Thanks so much for the reviews, hope this chapter is what you've been waiting for!**

**Oh, FYI, rating is going to M for language… yeah, so if you're a kiddie, I can tell you not to read anymore, but it's not like I can really stop you so, whatever. (there's the teenage spirit that the older generation says we're lacking! Again, if you didn't catch that, it was **_**sarcasm. **_**One of the greatest things, ever.**

**Disclaimer:**** I'm actually Stephenie Meyer in disguise. I made this account on FanFiction so that I can trash my own characters…. Did anyone note the sarcasm? Yeah, because it was **_**so there.**_

**Chapter Two**

_Bella's POV_

I spent the rest of the morning avoid Edward and looking for Mike so that I could 'flirt' with him. Just as I was passing the Chem. Lab (while mock glaring at where Edward's locker is) I saw Mike lean down to get a drink from the water fountain. I grinned evilly. Idea!

I ran up to Mike, hugging him from behind while pressing my thumb down over the jet of water, effectively sending the stream down… onto Mike's pants.

"Bella!" he exclaimed trying not to turn around.

"Hey, Mike! How are you? Listen… I was thinking that maybe we could get together and, I don't know, study sometime? I have _really _comfortable couches at my house," I said while putting a hand on his arm. I should seriously win some kind of award for not cracking up. How did he buy this?

He stiffened when I touched him… ooh maybe someone's is afraid of girls still. He kind of craned his neck around to talk to me, still not fully turning around.

_Mike's POV_

HOLY CRAP!!! I can't believe this is happening to me! I mean, I actually got _hugged _by Bella Swan! Oh happy day! I could dance right now! (I actually could, I took ballet lessons until I was 12)

"… I was thinking we could get together sometime…"

Wait. Why is my leg so cold? I looked down and… OH MY GOD! Did I piss myself?! No, no I would remember that. The water fountain! Damn it! I look like I wet my pants! Crap! What is she talking about now? I turned around, hearing her say,

"…I have _really _comfortable couches."

What the hell is going on? She's inviting me over her house?! Why the hell was she going on about soft couches? What is there to do on a… ohhhh. OH GOD! Was, was she insin… insis… saying that she wanted _me _on a couch?! WITH her there at the same time?!

Shit! I need to answer her but I can't turn around. F my life. What to do? What to do? I'll… I'll just play it off cool.

"Sounds great," I said using a 'deep seductive voice.'

"Is there something stuck in your throat? Why are you talking like that?" Bella asked with a raised eyebrow.

Er….

I quickly cleared my throat and smiled saying, "Nothing. I'll catch up with you in Pre-Calc, yeah?"

She looked at me for a moment before walking away. I breathed out relieved, that is until…

_Bella's POV _

Okay, I _really _needed to go get that academy award now. Seriously, when he said "sounds great" while trying to sound 'seductive' he sounded like someone had just punched him in the stomach. Too funny. I almost peed my pants, but that is so not part of the plan, especially seeing as Mike should look like he wet himself, not me.

I glanced at the clock before leaving and walking a few feet, waiting for the bell to ring so that I could say it in front of the biggest audience possible. His shoulders slumped as he sighed. This is really too easy.

And 5…4…3…2…1…RINGGGGGG! Students flooded the hallway as I screamed, "HEY MIKE!"

Shocked, he turned around to look at me. Everyone else had stopped to watch after I had screamed the name of the person that sane people who go to Forks High know I hate. Mike was looking at me so, here we go!

'OH MY GOD! MIKE DID YOU WET YOURSELF?!" I screamed at top volume, trying not to crack up like everyone else in the hallway as mike turned beet red. This was so great!

_Emmett's POV _

I love my sister. I was thinking that I was doomed to spend another day at Boring, U.S.A. when Bella shows up on her Harley. That always means something is up. _Then _she flirted with that loser Mike Newton. I hate that guy. When I first met him he was a freshman and he actually said to me "I shouldn't have to try out for the football team. I'm amazing. And my dad owns Newton Outfitters." WTF? So I, very seriously, picked him up and stuck 'Mr. Amazing' into the dumpster that was in the parking lot.

It was great. He couldn't get out and started screaming like a little girl. Then, get this, he _cried. _Seriously, like real tears. So did the only thing you can do in a situation like that and took photographic and video evidence. And posted it on the internet. Over 750,000 views on YouTube, baby! Check it out under 'Boy Cries in Dumpster' **(A/N: don't really, I just made that up, idk if something like that actually exists)**

Anyhoo, I should probably give Bells those pictures as they could always come in handy in her pranks war against Newton. This is going to be a great day. It's only 9:10 and Mike already looks like he wants to die!

_Mike's POV_

………………..

HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!! What!? Oh my god!! I can't believe this is happening! Why? Why is this happening to me?! The whole school is going to think that I peed my pants! THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS THINKS I PEED MY PANTS!!! I have to fix this!

"NO!! no! Bella, I _DID NOT _pee my pants. It was the water fountain! I swear!" I screamed desperately. Because God really really hates me, my voice cracked when I said "I swear!" F MY LIFE!

Bella looked at me warily. No! NO! Not the 'wary look!' SHE HAS TO BELIEVE ME!!!!!!!

"If you say so Mike… I'll, uh, talk to you later," said Bella as she walked away.

DAMN IT! God my life _sucks. _Everyone was slowly leaving, while still whispering. At least my pants were starting to dry. I was still thirsty so I went to get another drink. Talking to the girl of your dreams and then going through massive amounts of public humiliation left me feeling thirsty. I bent down and put my thumb on the button **(A/N: is it called a button? I'm having a brain lapse) **to turn the water on. When suddenly….

_Edward's POV _(yay!)

My girlfriend is so awesome. It's not even second period and she had already publicly humiliated Mike Newton. Life is good.

Everyone was leaving and I saw Mike lean down to get another drink. This was too easy.

I signaled Jazz and Em, who were watching Newton with the same smirk on their faces. I tilted my head toward to water fountain where Newton was and they got the idea. Besides… Newton's pants were almost dry and we really couldn't have that now could we?

Emmett walked by Mike, punching in the button so that it would jam up for a few seconds, allowing the water to flow before Jazz pushed Mike hard in the back, sending him into the water's path… again.

"CULLEN!!!!!" screeched Mike. Geez his voice is annoying.

"Yes? Can I help you with anyth… oh," I started laughing really loudly. The stain was twice as big and twice more noticeable than it was before.

"Er, Newton…are you sure you didn't piss yourself?" I asked while trying to talk over my laughing. His face was bright red from anger and embarrassment. Em and Jazz were leaning against the lockers, holding their sides cracking up.

Mike looked like he was really loosing it. I was about to leave when he screamed, "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT?! YEAH WELL WHEN I GET BELLA, WE'LL SEE WHO IS LAUGHING!"

Oh no he didn't.

I strode up to Mike and got into his face (it was really easy seeing as I am like 5 inches taller than him) and ground out between my clenched teeth, "How _dare _you refer to MY girlfriend like she is an object. She would never be with you! Get over it, Newton, before you get hurt." He was lucky that I had been in a good mood before he said that or I might've seriously punched him.

_Mike's POV_

AGAIN!? Really? I got 'pee pants' again?! This is unbelievable! I freaking HATE Edward Cullen! He was about to leave when my rage got the better and something possessed me to yell "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT?! YEAH WELL WHEN I GET BELLA, WE'LL SEE WHO IS LAUGHING!" I thought it was a pretty good insult but then he freaking gets in my face THREATENING me for referring to Bella as an 'object' or some shit and then he wouldn't _shut up_ about how he is dating Bella. Like I didn't know! I still couldn't believe he _threatened _ME! My dad owns Newton Outfitters! So of course, I said the only thing I could,

"Hurt? Please. Even if you _did _manage to get a swing in, Bella would so take my side and," I smirked here "_kiss it better. _Who knows? Maybe I'll even get some tong-"

_Edward's POV_

WHAT did that little shit just say?! I say a trash can next to the water fountain that desperately needed to be emptied. I picked up Mike by his biceps (no muscle, but was I really expecting any? No is the answer I'm looking for) and sat him in the trash. I was gross, and satisfying.

Emmett started laughing and said, "It's just like freshman year Mikey!" This caused him to turn an ugly purple color. I vaguely remembered something involving Mike Newton and a dumpster in freshman year… aha! Now I remembered! Emmett shoved him in the dumpster because he was being a little jackass. I wondered if he still had that video…

"Now listen here Newton. If you _ever _say _anything _like that about Bella every again, you can count on not dating anyone until college. Got it?" I sneered. I was serious too. No girl at Forks High would date him if me, Jazz, Em, Bella, Rose, and Alice said that he was 'undateable.' We had to do it to some wacko named James last year when he kept writing Bella creepy poetry about ballet studios after we told him to stop.

For good measure, Jazz grabbed the other equally disgusting trash can next to Mike and dumped it over Mike's head, causing Jazz, Em, and I to burst out laughing. We laughed even harder when Emmett brought out his phone and recorded Mike, saying "Hello to 'Boy Cries In Dumpster Part II: Trashcan Edition'"

With only a couple of minutes until the bell, Mike tried to get out, but we quickly pushed him in further. We were laughing as we walked around the corner and found Bella, Rose, and Alice laying on the hallway floor, laughing so hard they were crying.

"Oh..hahah…that…was so…funny! Hahah!" said Alice.

"Totally…hahah," agreed Rose.

"Oh my…god you…guys! Epic! Hahah," laughed Bella. We laughed with them and when they were done we pulled the up into a standing position. We could still hear Newton struggling with the trashcan.

"Don't worry Em, we got the _entire _thing on tape, for the water fountain to the trashcan, so you'll have plenty of footage for 'Boy Cries In Dumpster Part II: Trashcan Edition,'" said Rose, waving around her small silver Nikon©.

"YAY!" said Emmett. "I'm going to have so much fun with this!" he said before he grabbed to camera and ran toward the computer labs, forgetting about class in a few minutes.

Rose rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's retreating form before waving goodbye and running to catch up with him.

"So what now Bells?" asked Jasper.

"Hmm… well, I'm thinking that I did _not _appreciate that comment about 'getting me' _or _the one where he talked about my lips…near his body…gag" she said, looking horrified at the thought. "I'm thinking that the day is still young…there are still many pranks that can be played… and Mike can be a whole lot more embarrassed than he is now," she was grinning evilly.

I really love her.

**Okay, another chapter completed! Woohoo! So… what are Bella and the rest of the gang going to do next? And how are Lauren and Jessica coming into this? Review with comments on the chapter suggestions for pranks. If they're good I'll put them in the story and, of course, give the due credit for the idea.**

**Adioso!**

**zoey **


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